my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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