Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
