we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
