I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
