Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
