his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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