So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
