i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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