I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
