I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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