I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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