FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
splinters make it hard to masturbate
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
