i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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