Cold hands, warm shart.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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