i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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