dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Houston, we have a squirter
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
