So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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