Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A+ Viking dick
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
