It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
