quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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