he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
