is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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