I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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