I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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