I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
