Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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