If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize