i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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