we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
