walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
