I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
