remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You did what with his pubic hair?
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