my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
