Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
