Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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