let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
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I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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