there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
