a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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