one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
