also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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