Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
