I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
