If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
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I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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