you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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