Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
