the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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