I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
