Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
