we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
