I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
