We're facebook friends in real life
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
