Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just pee around me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
