I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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