I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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