In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
