im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
