dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
