I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize