Don't you send me to vm
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
