I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
