38 yer olds are good kisserssss
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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