the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
