I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
