he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
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i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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