I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Enjoy the penises
My vagina is very pro this idea
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
