k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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