Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
