Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He shit in the fireplace
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
