Can Purell be used as lube?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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