is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Welp...herpes.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
