if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
