My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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